Changing the way I eat, man, its hard

So, after a couple weeks of pretty much just counting calories, I've found what isn't working for me.  I've been eating pretty high carb.  I mean high carb.   And its not working for me at all.  I'm up a little bit in weight, and while I know most of that is water retention,  I also know that this way of eating is not working for me.  So, now I need to change.  But man, I'm gonna miss eating some of the high carb stuff I've been eating.    I've been enjoying my Cheerios and such, but well, if I want to have a smaller tummy, they need to be a cheat every once in a while, not a daily thing.

Been lifting heavy again.  Man, it makes me happy!  I  love being strong.  I love lifting up my barbell up and seeing if I can lift up a heavier weight than I could a couple weeks ago.  A couple weeks ago, I managed to deadlift 235lbs, and next week I'm going to try for 240lbs.   I'd also like to get my squat back to at least 200lbs or more!


I got a couple things in the mail this week.  Here's one:

Yep, I got the Urban Decay Naked Heat palette.  I love the colors, and I have always liked Urban Decay's naked eye shadows.

I'm sitting here watching a couple of my You Tube channels. I like the smaller channels better than the big people.  They are more "real" for the most part.   And being a smaller channel myself, I like supporting smaller channels.  Maybe someday I'll get up to 100 subscribers lol.  I hope.  I'd love to get up to 1000 eventually, and get 100 views on a regular basis.  Goals I guess.

Speaking of which, I need to film a video tomorrow.  Time to review either a new palette I've got or some new foundation.  Decisions,  decisions lol.

Don't weigh yourself after a cheat day lol

It's not good.   OK,mainly I did it just to see how bad it was.  I was up about a pound, but like I said, I had a cheat day yesterday.  Lots of salt, carbs, everything that retains water.     But, well, all that food I ate yesterday, and it was so good, steak, a big baked potato, spaghetti, Milk Duds,  its gonna help fuel my workout for today.  Leg day!!  I love leg day.

Yesterday my hubby, my youngest  and I went to Des Moines.  Spent probably a little to much money lol.  He got a couple coins, I got a new Coach purse and an eye shadow palette, daughter got some new nail polish.   And of course we got groceries and stuff like dog food.  At least the bills are  all paid up lol.

Today I start my new job.  While I'm looking forward to less driving, more stability, more time to workout, go to church, attend choir practice and have more time at home, I'm going to miss my full time job at the hospital.  My ultimate goal, is to be able to cut back to part-time.  I probably could now if we really cut back on stuff, but I enjoy air conditioning, having a lot of channels to say there is nothing on tv, my super fast internet, and my smart phone.   I'm hoping next summer, I can maybe really cut down to part-time, and work a couple nights a week and maybe go back to the hospital.  Maybe one night I could work the nursing home.    Why can't I just win the lottery and not have to work at all lol?  Oh, that's right. It helps your chances a little, if you play lol.

 Kind of a minor update.  Posting a You Tube video today.  My channel is Barbells and Beauty, if anyone cares to watch a video.

Ok, time to quit feeling sorry for myself!

Time to get up off my butt, and get this weight loss under MY control.  Time to quit feeling sorry for myself and letting myself eat whatever.  Time to get up and MOVE more and quit just thinking "I'll never do it so why try"  Time to count these calories, even the ones I don't want to count so I have the information I need to see what is causing me to not get this fat off my body.   Time to, as Nike says "JUST DO IT"  Or maybe like Yoda says "Do or do not, there is no try"  I'm gonna do it. I'm not gonna try to lose fat and build muscle, I'm going to just do it.

So I started the right way today.  I actually counted my calories and I'm getting ready to go into my gym and get a workout in before I go to work tonight.   I've got plans on getting more active, mainly getting more steps in cause I tend to be a lazy ass and like to sit on my time off from work.  This needs to stop.   I'm going to measure myself again, take some "before" pictures and save them up, and do it again in 6 weeks to see how I'm doing.   So yep, there it is.

Ok, short blog today.  But I needed to say this stuff.  I needed to get it out there, so I can reread it over and over again.   I am going to lose body fat, and I'm going to build up muscle.

So I sure suck at this losing weight thing

I filmed a video about it if anyone cares.   Its basically an invitation to watch me as I meander around the weigh loss journey.  Right now I feel like I'm stuck in a ditch lol.   And run over lol.  But really, I'm going to start filming things on my journey, like workouts, eating, me bitching that losing weight is hard.  I'd love to have a few people give me thumbs up or comments.   I need some support, or more support.  Cause this weight loss stuff is hard.  More mentally hard, but hard.

After spending a couple days, ok mostly spending time at night after everyone else goes to bed and I'm alone in the world, I've decided,  I'm making it to hard.  I'm trying to follow this type of eating, or that type of eating.  I just need to be really simple.  I'm just going to count calories for a while and not worry about macros, etc.   I'm going to get my calories at 2000 and just see what that does.  Ok, I'm going to make sure I'm getting at least 110gms of protein. Only cause I know I need protein to build muscle. But otherwise, just 2000 calories and just let it be.  And maybe after I'm feeling settled in my new job, and  things feel better overall, I'll worry about macros, and all that jazz.   I just think I'm trying to over think stuff, then feel overwhelmed, and then just get into a "screw it I'll eat ice cream"

I also can't wait until I get back to 8 hour shifts so I can workout more often.  I got new running shoes, cause I'm going to get back into running.  Here's a picture.

That's my boxer Phoenix in the background.  They are Hoka shoes.  The heels are a little different but they help roll you into the next step.  And I need all the help I can get.  The arch is a little higher than I'm use to so I need to wear them a little and get my feet ready for my first attempt at running.

Now I've been also overthinking workouts.  So I think I'm going to do something like upper body one day, lower body one day, a Crossfit style workout one day and cardio one to two days a week.  I think this combo will help build a little muscle, or if nothing else maintain what I've got, while helping improve my pathetic pathetic pathetic cardio capacity.

While I'm excited about starting a new job, having 8 hour shifts, being only 3 minutes away from my job, I'm really going to miss the hospital work.  Its been for the most part, enjoyable.  Oh, there crap about it I don't like, but its that way in every job ever.   I'm staying PRN there, and kind of hope if things ever work out, I could maybe just work part-time like 1-2 days, err, nights a week.    I'd love to be able to work just part-time and spend more time at home with my hubby.    But we've got 2 kids going to collage, and we're helping them out.  Oh, if we totally cut way back on stuff, we could probably do it. But I enjoy not sweating to death cause I can keep the air on.  And buying makeup here and there.  And having more tv channels, and super fast internet.  And the occasional new video game, or pair of workout shoes.  

I really need to go through my closet, and stuff and do a major decluttering.  I've got a bunch of books I could donate to the library, magazines to throw away or donate, other stuff I need to just get rid of.  I keep thinking I'm going to do that, and then I don't. I just need to get it done.

I hope everyone is doing great!

Drama in the beauty industry, who knew???

I've always loved makeup.  Since I was a young child, I loved playing with my mom's and my grandma's makeup.  My dad's mom use to let me get her makeup out and give her a "makeover"  Ok, so she probably looked more like a clown who was on crack cocaine putting her makeup on, but she was a great grandma and she always said she was beautiful.

So a few years ago, I started watching You Tube channels about makeup.  Oh a few tutorials here, a review there.  Nothing much.  I really enjoyed it.  Didn't really subscribe to many but I enjoyed it.  As I kept watching, I subscribed to a few more, and really got into it.  So much so I decided, after thinking about it for a few weeks, to start my own You Tube channel.

Ok, so I really started watching.  Really watching LOTS of channels.   I mean I watched so many channels, subscribed to them really watched how the set up was, what kind of content they did. Just trying to learn so I could make my channel not suck.  I mean, I want my channel to grow, I'd love to get over 1000 subscribers, but I don't even have 100 yet.  So I need to get it all figured out.

Then I found the drama.  OMG!  Who the hell knew that there was so much drama surrounding makeup.  I mean its like every other week its  Jeffrey Star vs Kat Von D  or Jaclyn Hill vs Becca.  Or the drama around Morphe's latest release.  Or makeup brushes.  Or a contract between a makeup guru and Too Faced.  Drama around who uses filters to make themselves look "perfect" during filming.   OMG! Does it ever stop?    Its like a train wreck that you really don't want to look at, but can't help it.

I've got to admit.  All this fucking drama kind of turns me off makeup just a little bit.  I've found out some companies seem so shady with business practices I'm a little put off of their products.  Or YouTubers caught in so many lies, I don't even want to watch their channels anymore.  Just makes it not so much fun anymore. 

Sometimes I think it was better before I knew all this stuff.  Maybe it was better to just go to the store, find something I liked and buy it rather than do a bunch of research and find out shit I really didn't want to know about drama that doesn't affect me. 

Oh well. I guess its just like that train wreck, I just can't quit watching.  Oh, I've cut down a little.  I have unsubscribed from a few people either seem to be in all the drama, or just seem more "fake" than they were a couple years ago.   That's helped. 

Just who knew there was such drama involved in the beauty industry?  I guess I didn't.