Ok, time to quit feeling sorry for myself!

Time to get up off my butt, and get this weight loss under MY control.  Time to quit feeling sorry for myself and letting myself eat whatever.  Time to get up and MOVE more and quit just thinking "I'll never do it so why try"  Time to count these calories, even the ones I don't want to count so I have the information I need to see what is causing me to not get this fat off my body.   Time to, as Nike says "JUST DO IT"  Or maybe like Yoda says "Do or do not, there is no try"  I'm gonna do it. I'm not gonna try to lose fat and build muscle, I'm going to just do it.

So I started the right way today.  I actually counted my calories and I'm getting ready to go into my gym and get a workout in before I go to work tonight.   I've got plans on getting more active, mainly getting more steps in cause I tend to be a lazy ass and like to sit on my time off from work.  This needs to stop.   I'm going to measure myself again, take some "before" pictures and save them up, and do it again in 6 weeks to see how I'm doing.   So yep, there it is.

Ok, short blog today.  But I needed to say this stuff.  I needed to get it out there, so I can reread it over and over again.   I am going to lose body fat, and I'm going to build up muscle.

So I sure suck at this losing weight thing

I filmed a video about it if anyone cares.   Its basically an invitation to watch me as I meander around the weigh loss journey.  Right now I feel like I'm stuck in a ditch lol.   And run over lol.  But really, I'm going to start filming things on my journey, like workouts, eating, me bitching that losing weight is hard.  I'd love to have a few people give me thumbs up or comments.   I need some support, or more support.  Cause this weight loss stuff is hard.  More mentally hard, but hard.

After spending a couple days, ok mostly spending time at night after everyone else goes to bed and I'm alone in the world, I've decided,  I'm making it to hard.  I'm trying to follow this type of eating, or that type of eating.  I just need to be really simple.  I'm just going to count calories for a while and not worry about macros, etc.   I'm going to get my calories at 2000 and just see what that does.  Ok, I'm going to make sure I'm getting at least 110gms of protein. Only cause I know I need protein to build muscle. But otherwise, just 2000 calories and just let it be.  And maybe after I'm feeling settled in my new job, and  things feel better overall, I'll worry about macros, and all that jazz.   I just think I'm trying to over think stuff, then feel overwhelmed, and then just get into a "screw it I'll eat ice cream"

I also can't wait until I get back to 8 hour shifts so I can workout more often.  I got new running shoes, cause I'm going to get back into running.  Here's a picture.

That's my boxer Phoenix in the background.  They are Hoka shoes.  The heels are a little different but they help roll you into the next step.  And I need all the help I can get.  The arch is a little higher than I'm use to so I need to wear them a little and get my feet ready for my first attempt at running.

Now I've been also overthinking workouts.  So I think I'm going to do something like upper body one day, lower body one day, a Crossfit style workout one day and cardio one to two days a week.  I think this combo will help build a little muscle, or if nothing else maintain what I've got, while helping improve my pathetic pathetic pathetic cardio capacity.

While I'm excited about starting a new job, having 8 hour shifts, being only 3 minutes away from my job, I'm really going to miss the hospital work.  Its been for the most part, enjoyable.  Oh, there crap about it I don't like, but its that way in every job ever.   I'm staying PRN there, and kind of hope if things ever work out, I could maybe just work part-time like 1-2 days, err, nights a week.    I'd love to be able to work just part-time and spend more time at home with my hubby.    But we've got 2 kids going to collage, and we're helping them out.  Oh, if we totally cut way back on stuff, we could probably do it. But I enjoy not sweating to death cause I can keep the air on.  And buying makeup here and there.  And having more tv channels, and super fast internet.  And the occasional new video game, or pair of workout shoes.  

I really need to go through my closet, and stuff and do a major decluttering.  I've got a bunch of books I could donate to the library, magazines to throw away or donate, other stuff I need to just get rid of.  I keep thinking I'm going to do that, and then I don't. I just need to get it done.

I hope everyone is doing great!

Drama in the beauty industry, who knew???

I've always loved makeup.  Since I was a young child, I loved playing with my mom's and my grandma's makeup.  My dad's mom use to let me get her makeup out and give her a "makeover"  Ok, so she probably looked more like a clown who was on crack cocaine putting her makeup on, but she was a great grandma and she always said she was beautiful.

So a few years ago, I started watching You Tube channels about makeup.  Oh a few tutorials here, a review there.  Nothing much.  I really enjoyed it.  Didn't really subscribe to many but I enjoyed it.  As I kept watching, I subscribed to a few more, and really got into it.  So much so I decided, after thinking about it for a few weeks, to start my own You Tube channel.

Ok, so I really started watching.  Really watching LOTS of channels.   I mean I watched so many channels, subscribed to them really watched how the set up was, what kind of content they did. Just trying to learn so I could make my channel not suck.  I mean, I want my channel to grow, I'd love to get over 1000 subscribers, but I don't even have 100 yet.  So I need to get it all figured out.

Then I found the drama.  OMG!  Who the hell knew that there was so much drama surrounding makeup.  I mean its like every other week its  Jeffrey Star vs Kat Von D  or Jaclyn Hill vs Becca.  Or the drama around Morphe's latest release.  Or makeup brushes.  Or a contract between a makeup guru and Too Faced.  Drama around who uses filters to make themselves look "perfect" during filming.   OMG! Does it ever stop?    Its like a train wreck that you really don't want to look at, but can't help it.

I've got to admit.  All this fucking drama kind of turns me off makeup just a little bit.  I've found out some companies seem so shady with business practices I'm a little put off of their products.  Or YouTubers caught in so many lies, I don't even want to watch their channels anymore.  Just makes it not so much fun anymore. 

Sometimes I think it was better before I knew all this stuff.  Maybe it was better to just go to the store, find something I liked and buy it rather than do a bunch of research and find out shit I really didn't want to know about drama that doesn't affect me. 

Oh well. I guess its just like that train wreck, I just can't quit watching.  Oh, I've cut down a little.  I have unsubscribed from a few people either seem to be in all the drama, or just seem more "fake" than they were a couple years ago.   That's helped. 

Just who knew there was such drama involved in the beauty industry?  I guess I didn't.

So, my daughter got married!!! And ramblings about skin care lol

Yes, that's one reason its been quite a while since I blogged.  My oldest daughter got married to an absolutely wonderful man.   We couldn't be happier for them both.  So we were a little busy though for a few days.  Here's a picture of my brand new family

I took vacation, and it sucked to have to go back to work after the wedding.  I mean it really sucked.   I really should have taken one more day off but oh well.

So, I've been trying some new stuff for skin care.  Back last year I was doing the Korean 10 step skin care.  Most days was only 5-6 steps, but one to two days a week I did the whole 10 steps.  My skin looked good,  and felt good.
So over the winter and this spring, I've tried some new stuff. Just well, trying out new stuff.  Um, I"m not nearly as happy with my skin.  Oh, its not bad, but its just not quite as happy as it was back last summer.
So I guess I'm going to be going back to that 10 step program.  Its going to be slow, cause I do want to use up some of the skin care that I have.  I mean I paid money for it and want to at least mostly use it up.  I can do it.  And as I use stuff up, replace it with the Korean stuff that seemed to work so well for me.

Guess I shouldn't try to fix stuff that seems to be working for me, right?   I'm sure in a few months, I'll get that itch and try another line etc and it won't work as well as my 10 steps.  Sigh.  Always looking for what's bigger/better.  The American way lol

Ok, so my Fitbit steps are usually CRAPPY!

I've had a Fitbit for a very long time.  Been through several versions.  The first one made ever, which I wore so much I broke it.  Charge,  now a Blaze and an Alta HR.  I like to alternate them depending on what I'm doing etc.

Well, my step count has gotten WORSE the older I get. I'm getting more and more lazy as I get older.  Oh, I workout, but unless I'm at work, or working out, I tend to sit on my ever growing butt.  All my favorite activities involve sitting.  Reading, watching tv, playing video games. 

So, I've decided to set a goal for my daily steps this month. I actually did it back on May 1,  But I've hit it everyday!!!  Ok, so its a pathetically low step number.  5000 steps a day.  I've hit it everyday.  And a few days I've gone way over, much closer to the 10,000 steps they say people should hit to be as healthy as you can be.

On June 1 I'm going to bump up my count to 5500.  I'm going to slowly bump it up every month until I'm hitting 9000-10,000 a day pretty consistently. 

I'll admit, I've had to step on the treadmill for 10-15 mins a few times kind of late at night to get to my goal, but hey, I got up out of my chair, and hit the treadmill to get those last 800 steps or so in, so good for me!!!

Been keeping up the Crossfit workouts at home.  I'm planning on keeping them up for a couple more weeks, then get back to straight heavy lifting at home.    I've really been enjoying doing my Crossfit workouts.  Its kind of nice to do them and while I push myself, I don't try to kill myself like I tended to do at the Crossfit gym.  I can just do it at my pace, and keep going or take a breather, and then go back to it.  

Not been buying a lot of makeup here in the last couple weeks.  Kind of on overload.  There is so much new stuff coming out and quite frankly, not much that's coming out is fresh.  Oh, Juvia's Place is coming out with a couple new palettes that look amazing, but other stuff, not really.  The same old nudes,  etc that I've got 10 palettes of.  Yawn.   Where are the greens, the purples, the colors?   I guess they don't matter to the brand name makeup companies.  Oh well. Plenty of indie brands I can buy from.

That's about it for me for now.  I hope to be buying a Concept2 rower in a couple weeks!

Crossfit at home, its not to bad

So I've been doing more Crossfit workouts at home in my home gym.  Been kicking my own butt, or trying to.  My cardio capacity SUCKS  really really SUCKS!  so I need to get that better.   So I'm kind of forcing myself to do workouts with cardio aspects, such as jumping rope,  I can't do double unders quite yet, box jumps/box climbs.  And next week I will do burpees.  I hate them, but they are a great cardio move that actually uses quite a few muscles.

Today my torture was:
5 round of
5 hang cleans
50 single jump rope
10 ab mat situps.
I thought I would die.  But I did it.  That's not counting my warm up, a couple min on the rower, some air squats and mobility work. 

I also ordered this:

Depending on how you have it set, its 16, 18 or 20 inches.  Box jumps, here I come.  Pray for my shins lol.  I guess I'll be wearing my knee high socks.

Been saving up Crossfit WOD in my Pinterest page.  Between Pinterest, the books I ordered and what Crossfit boxes post, I'll have WODs to keep me busy for a while.

I did order 2 things from BH Cosmetics, but that will be it for a while.  Time to save up for either a new bike or a new rower.  I got the new Caril Bybel palette and a highlighter palette.  

I work the next 3 nights in a row, then I get a few days off, err, nights off lol.   I did pick up one night shift at the nursing home, but other than that, I'll have like 10 nights off.  I won't want to go back I'm sure.  This will be good for me.  I think I was needing a whole bunch of nights off in a row.

Hubby and I went up to see Guardian's of the Galaxy Vo2 today.  We loved it. No, its not quite as good as the first, but I liked the opening scene better in the second over the first.  Baby Groot!!!
But there is a couple sad things, but I won't spoil them.  And we also picked up our daughter's wedding dress and hubby's new suit for her wedding in 2 weeks.  So it was a great day.

Hope you all have as good a day as I did with my hubby!

Less makeup, more fitness!!

So, I've decided something for this month.  I'm going to buy less makeup, cause really, how many eye shadow palettes do I need, and save up for more fitness stuff.   I literally have a list of stuff I want to buy.

Here's a few things I want to buy:
An Airdyne bike.  That's one of those bikes where the arms move when you peddle.  Great for getting the heartrate up.
A new rower.  I really want a Concept2.  I've got a real cheap one, but it doesn't show the number of meters that you row.   I want one that shows the meters you row.  And I've used a Concept2 before and its very smooth. 
A box or two for box jumps.  Or one that is multiple heights depending on what side is up.  I've got a step for step aerobics, but those are not stable enough for real box jumps.

So as you can see, I've got quite a list of stuff I want to get.  Why, well, I need to start focusing on my fitness.  Yes, I've been lifting weights, but I need to do more to get my fitness back.  So I need to start doing Crossfit stuff again.  It really works everything.  I think 2 days of pure lifting and 1-2 days of Crossfit style workouts.  I ordered 2 books that have Crossfit Wods so I can be ready.

 I ordered 2 books that have Crossfit workouts, a lot I can do at home.   Now comes the hard part. Forcing myself to do burpees.  I hate burpees.  I mean I really do.  But I need to make myself do them.  They are a great cardio move.  I need to do them. Maybe if I tell myself that enough, I'll actually do them lol.

So,  that's my plan.  I think the next thing I buy will be the box for box jumps. 

I do have a couple things of makeup I'll be getting.  Nothing much but a little.  I'm not going to go cold turkey in not buying makeup lol.  But if I cut back, I can actually use what I've already got, and buy fitness stuff.  And buy just enough to keep my You Tube channel happy with reviews and stuff.

Speaking of which, I need to film something this week.  I know just what I'm going to film, I just need to film it and edit it.  "Why did I buy that"  A  video on stuff I kind of wish I have left in the store.   Look for it soon.

Hope you all have a great day!